Feel weird about lockdown lifting? It’s ok, I do too!
Now that ‘super Saturday’ has passed I feel able to share my thoughts, feelings and put them into words that I couldn’t articulate before.
On Friday afternoon I asked my Instagram followers whether they were heading out this weekend just gone. 11% (116) of them said yes. With 862 people saying they were staying firmly in their homes.
This surprised me, because to be totally honest, I was expecting a more even split.
A couple of week's prior I shared this post from Stylist Magazine. It highly resonated with me when the announcement of 'social bubbles' was made and 654 of you felt the same as me.
Saturday had me feeling all kinds of weird, that's when I started writing this post. I could sense the familiar feelings of FOMO (Fear of Missing Out) creeping up on me once BoJo announced the lockdown lift in England and on Saturday, it well and truly slapped me around the face. What is this feeling? I haven’t had this for the past three-four months? And quite frankly it’s been bliss!
I thought I was feeling anxious about lockdown lifting due to health reasons and to some extent I still am. How do we know that Bob next to us at the pub has washed his hands at all today?! How do we know that Susan hasn't got a temperature? That kind of thing. And we do need to remember that this virus has far from disappeared. But I now realise that there's two reasons why I felt so stressed about lockdown lifting. The first one being uncertainty, I don't deal well with uncertainty. End of. And the second reason was because I knew that FOMO would be back. And boy, did that green eyed little monster show up alright?!
It’s easy to see people on social media necking their 8th glass of prosecco in two hours and think WHY ISN’T THAT ME?!
I haven’t got a group of friends anymore. And while my friends are amazing, they’re scattered all over the place. So I don’t have a group to go to bottomless brunch with at 11am. Or friends to meet in a pub garden at 4pm. It’s a bitter pill to swallow and it can get pretty lonely at times.
That said, I didn't actually want to be out. Which made my anxiety even trickier to manage. Even so, seeing the scenes of Soho alone is enough to keep me in hiding!
If you feel/felt like I did, then I want you know that you’re not alone.
Lockdown made life pretty simple. We had rules and 90% of the UK stuck to them. Yes ok, there were obviously things to be worrying about. But if you stuck to the rules and were put on furlough/WFH life should have been pretty cushty for you.
And being the control freak that I am, I like rules. I like when people stick to the rules. And I can’t stand it when people think they can bend them, it gets my goat. But now the rules are lifted (and pretty hazy) it’s sent my anxiety into overdrive. Where do I stand with all of this?! What do I do next? What’s the right thing to do? Do people want to spend time with me? I don’t have that much to talk about! Uncertainty and FOMO whirring around in my brain.
Reality is most definitely biting. And I’m not sure I like it. I was happy in my little bubble, taking funny photos and #DressUpFriday outfits for Instagram. Obviously, there were days when I wished I could get out of my two bed flat and lay on a beach in Barbados or party it up in Ibiza (not that I could afford it!), but none of us could do that and life seemed relatively fair. We were all on an even playing field, regardless of our backgrounds.
Being self-employed added stress, of course it did. However, I wasn’t working because I couldn’t. Not because I wasn’t picked for that particular job. Consequently, the riptide of coronvarius has left me with a small amount of money left in the pot. Like all of us, I had a life planned out. I was in training for the London Marathon before it was postponed and I even celebrated my 26th Birthday in my flat, alone with my boyfriend. I'll put my tiny violin back in it's case in a minute. It could be worse, I'm fully aware of that. But now, some people have holidays to go on, drinking excessively at the pub, partying with their friends and it’s made me feel wonky. Plus, I don't really have the funds to go and join in.
Then on top of my anxiety came a slew of bombarding marketing emails of ‘lockdown lift outfits’ and ‘super Saturday treats’. It made me want to bury myself in my duvet and hibernate until 2021. Not only do I have to deal with the worry of catching Covid-19, I now feel guilty that I’m not whacking a bit of M.A.C Ruby Woo on my smackers and pulling a lovely dress out of my wardrobe. Maybe this is all a bad dream, eh?
I have to face the music and head back into central London at some point. My job is (hopefully) going to start picking up soon. And I think that’s what’s hard. This feeling is social anxiety. As an extroverted introvert, it was bound to come out of the woodwork at some point.
BUT
Rather than feeling completely sorry for myself ALL weekend and to gain a level of control, I came up with a plan and wrote some kind words down to myself. I hope that this can help any of you feeling the same way. (Obviously tailor this to suit you and your needs)
1. Remember. This is NOT an attack on you as a person. People in your life love you. They want to spend time with you, it simply didn’t work out this time. But it will!
2. Make a plan for baby steps that suit you. For example, this week I’m going to be getting on a train into London for the first time since February. It’s not into central, it’s south. But, I can do it. I’ve got my face mask and my anti-bac. If I don’t like it or I feel uncomfortable, I can come home.
3. Schedule in a meet-up with a person outside of your household in a week's time. See how you get on with that one, and then schedule in another one if you feel ready. It’s incredibly easy to blame other people for our loneliness or lack of plans, but our friends and family aren’t mind readers. They don’t know that we feel ready to head out yet.
4. Distract yourself with things that bring you comfort. It’s easy to feel like reading a book is a waste of time. I can assure you it’s not. Rest up, it’s ok to do so.
5. Step away from your phone and social media. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again - it’s a blessing and a curse. And while the world and his/her wife seem to be busy on stories. The majority of people are at home (let the opening fact be living proof of that one!)
6. Your life is cool. Your life is fab. Your life is on the right path.
I hope these help you. Stay safe gals and guys.
Sophie x