BMI. What a load of baloney.

As I sit patiently in the waiting room of the doctors to pick up my next pill prescription. I'm expecting the inevitable. As I step onto the scales to decide whether I'm 'allowed' to be on the pill or not, I know what's waiting for me just around the corner.

"You're obese on the BMI scale"

Yes, yes I am. Because your measurement is completely and utterly unsustainable.

I then get told that I need to exercise more and eat a more balanced diet, because "it can be quite tricky to lose weight on the pill".

Ok, cheers for that, I didn't know Gillian McKeith had slipped into the surgery.

And thanks for pointing out the obvious. I've been pumping myself silly with hormones since the age of 16.

Now, it's not really the nurses fault, she's doing her job, she has boxes to tick and pale green pieces of paper to sign. But when these conversations arise, why not ask the patient how they're doing or why say anything at all?

Obesity, weight gain and weight loss are often signs of something else going on. Especially if it happens quickly. My weight has been the same for the last 3 years. I maintain a healthy lifestyle and well, this is just me. Yes I could eat a little healthier, but why do I even have to justify it?!

Even though I've had this said to me multiple times. I know it's coming. It still hits me like a smack around the face. It doesn't stop my mind from starting to overthink about what I've eaten in the past week, month or year. Maybe I should have skipped on that slice of birthday cake for my friend's birthday. Or maybe I shouldn't have had ANOTHER glass of prosecco last weekend. Or maybe I shouldn't have delved head first into the cheese board back at Christmas in 2017.

This is because it's SO triggering. And something has to change about the language that is used, the way it is approached and the method that's used to measure weight.

To put it into perspective, when I fitted into the 'healthy' bracket of BMI. I was severely underweight and my anxiety was through the roof. I was deeply, deeply unhappy and costing the NHS far more than I am currently (I was undergoing CBT at the time).

I can laugh at myself, I can laugh at my rolls, I can laugh at my love handles. I've also learnt to love them. And it's taken me YEARS to do so. And comments like the one that I receive yearly by a nurse who knows absolutely nothing about me could send me tumbling back down into the rabbit warren. A dark, dark hole of self-loathing and punishment and that isn't fair.

I'll honestly get over it in a day or so, but I know the old me would have freaked out for weeks. And there are people in this world that it could severely effect. If you are one of those people, please remember that this method isn't scientific, it was created in the 1800s by a mathematician. It's outdated. It doesn't take into account muscle mass, bone density, race or gender.

And let's not forget the people that are told they're underweight, but may have trouble gaining weight. It's in their make up and they're happy, so leave them be.

Weight does not define us. We are wonderful as we are.