Size 16's Don't Exercise
Exercise. A word that used to make me want to vom all over my feet.
How predictable. The size 16 girl doesn't like exercise. No wonder she's that size. She probably just sits on her butt all day eating pizza and drinking milkshakes.
Wrong. I hate milk.
When I started my podcast, Pear-Shaped, my friend and I were both on the start of our 'fitness journey'. What a phrase! We spoke very openly about not being those kind of people. We assumed from what we'd seen on social media and the front cover of magazine's such as Women's Health, that you had to be a lean, mean, grilling machine to even exercise.
Oh how things can change in a year! Now I can't live without it.
I had many demons when it came to exercise and they still creep back in if I don't control them. My body had and still has changed a lot from when I was doing a lot of exercise. When I was a teenager I was averaging around 12 hours of dancing a week on an incredibly low calorie diet. I was completely and utterly unhealthy, but my mind was cunningly convincing me I was at my healthiest.
As I got myself better from my un-diagnosed eating disorder. I let my body slide completely. I found a little too much comfort in food. I was treating myself for the years I'd spent punishing my body into not having all the delights of gluten and dairy. I associated exercise with a tricky and dark past which consequently lead to me convincing myself that I hated pretty much any exercise. That exercise was 'bad' for my mind. And that I didn't need to do it all. I hated the gym and as an adult I thought that was one of the few places I could get fit. And gave myself an excuse to not do it.
Swimming? Too much effort. Need to wash my hair. Need to shave my legs. My bikini line is in dire need of a wax. It's a no from me.
Weights? Can't, there's just too many men.
Running? Omg no. My face goes so red.
Dancing? No, I can't. I'm too old and I'm not good enough.
The reality was that I was scared. I was scared I would be judged. Judged for not already having a washboard stomach. Judged for not having the perkiest, peachiest bottom in the place. Judged for not wearing a killer combo of a gym outfit.
Judgement in the gym is something that I know many women have had a lot of trouble with, women that are smaller than myself and women that are bigger than myself. We create cruel and brutal situations in our heads that are unlikely to happen. For example another woman judging us in an exercise class. Firstly, if she/he judges you, they're a knob with a low self-esteem. Secondly, everyone else in that space is so worried about how they look and how they're being viewed that they're not even focusing on you. 21st century society is pretty selfish. Remember that.
I've had my fair share of rough comments thrown at me in my 25 years, one that's stood out to me was someone commenting on what was in my fridge.
'God, Soph, you have such healthy food in your fridge.'
I know. Funnily enough, I don't eat a McDonald's everyday. Even though those golden arches are a shrine in my eyes.
At that time I was dabbling in and out of exercise. Realising that my body could no longer cope with four jagerbombs, eight gin and tonics and a 3am dominos on the way home. But I hadn't found my 'thing' and still believed I'd rocked up to the wrong place when I tried out F45 for a couple of weeks. I simply didn't fit in. My bank account had seen too many unused gym memberships draining its insides.
A year ago I signed up to this new (at the time) app called Fiit. An at home exercise forum filled with exercise classes that you could do in the comfort of your own home. No embarrassing sweaty drips on the gym floor. No one having to spot your red and sweaty face as you leave the gym. No secret trips to Starbucks, which is right outside the local gym. I mean, I deserved it right?
I also signed up to a personal trainer who specialises in working with people who haven't done any form of exercise in a very long time. Whether that's due to a physical injury or a mental mountain. And because I'd been doing bits on the Fiit app I wasn't the worst client ever - YES get in. My ego was being boosted and my confidence has followed.
Of course we have days where exercise just isn't something that's at the top of our list. And that's okay.
The reason why I've written this post is to try and change the misconceptions we have associated with size and exercise. I'm not the tiniest person in the class. I never will be. I have no idea what I weigh. I imagine it's not a small number. Do I care? Nope. A number on the scales doesn't mean I'm unfit. Far from it. My muscle mass is stronger than that of some of my friends. That doesn't mean we're unhealthy.
We're seeing mini breakthroughs, like Nike using a plus-size mannequin in their London flagship store. I saw this as a massive positive. It made me feel like I fitted in. From a personal perspective, I wish it had been done 10 years ago and I may have not beat myself up so much about being bigger than my friends.
I don't eat steamed broccoli, rice and chicken for breakfast, lunch and dinner. I don't believe people should put themselves through that misery. But you do you. I know I could eat healthier to see 'benefits' quicker. When you spot the benefits of exercise it's great. But that's not why I do it.
My 2019 has been a pretty rough ride so far and I've found comfort in the routine of exercising. The rush of endorphins. It makes my head feel a little less gloomy and makes the sun shine brighter even when it's cloudy. BLEURGH.
I'm not saying that everyone has to start exercising. I'm not criticising people that don't either. All I'm saying is that as a society we need to change the way we view fitness. Being fit doesn't mean you need to be put into a box. You don't have to be a certain size. You can still have 'fat'. You can have no fat either. You can have big boobs. Small boobs. No boobs. Tall. Short. You get where I'm going with it. There are many methods of keeping fit and it's certainly not a one size fits all job.
Trainers: Nike
Sophie x