Why I Waved Goodbye To The WhatsApp Group

The WhatsApp group. What a melting pot of stress, misery and soul destroying chat.

In October last year I waved goodbye to all of the WhatsApp groups that had more than two other people in and it was the best thing I ever did for my soul and mind.

I don't know about you, but I found any type of group chat stressful and infuriating. I played the role of the organiser and being able to see the two little ticks turn blue with no responses in return sent me into an enraged spin.

When has it it ever been ok to ignore your friends?! It hasn't.

You wouldn't sit in a restaurant with your friends. Then once you've finished your meal, someone asks if you want to go to a bar for a couple more drinks, you all turn your backs to the person that asked the question and not reply. So why would you do it in a chat?

We all hide behind screens and we feel that we're not hurting anyone's feelings, yet we are. You may not be acting like a troll with unkind words, but you're being unkind and quite frankly, rude, by ignoring some of the best people in your life. It has such negative effects not only for the person who's being ignored but for the people doing the ignoring too.

I found that being ignored was turning me into a crazy pathetic person, my blood pressure was rising the more ticks I could see, which then drove me to start ignoring people back when they've done it to me. Ridiculous, I know. However, it had left me so angry that I wasn't being myself anymore and I was expecting people to be mind readers and pick up on the fact that what they'd done to me had hurt me, without actually saying it. Passive aggressive nature at it's finest right there, ladies and gents.

Then for the people doing the ignoring. They're no doubt doing this to other people too. It's not nice and it's rude. I've been on both sides and it's grim. It also means that you never actually get anything organised - EVER. So a couple of drinks in a beer garden during July to soak up the summer sun is still being planned in January.

The thing that really gets my goat is that, we live in a world where methods of communication have never been higher, which in theory should be great. We're better connected, so therefore we should be happier. In reality it couldn't be further from the truth. Better connections, leads to everyone waiting for a better offer. It leads to people waiting to see who's going to an event before committing to going. It's destroying our relationships and our courage to walk into a room and 'having to get on with it'. No wonder so many of us now struggle with networking events eh?!

I was left feeling rejected and lonely. It was time to call it quits.

Leaving a WhatsApp group is no easy feat without looking like Mariah Carey demanding someone to hold her wrist while she signs autographs. It took me days of planning before I took the plunge and sent the message that I didn't want to be a part of these groups anymore. Obviously the story goes deeper than just being part of a WhatsApp group, but that's for another time.

If you feel similarly to how I did, then please take every ounce of courage to leave. It sounds ridiculous, but it's such a brave thing to do. Show yourself your own self respect. I warn you now. It's like going through a break up that you knew had to happen and the FOMO hits you immediately. Did I do the right thing? That said, when you remind yourself of the chat that happened before, you're not missing out on anything. You can speak to people individually and it's far, far healthier for your mental well-being.

If you're not ready to wave goodbye yet, then that's absolutely fine too. If you take pleasure in it, then that's great. If you're sticking around then I think you need to be aware of the roles in the WhatsApp group. I'm going to give you a scenario of a night out...

As I said, I played the role of the organiser. A group chat either has one or they don't. If they don't, nothing ever gets organised and if they do, then the organiser is often the one feeling let down. Unless everyone is an angel and agrees straight away (this happens once in a blue moon). The organiser is a role that I play in pretty much every aspect of my life and that's fine. What I struggled with was the lack of understanding from the fellow group chatters about the need for organisation - especially before a big night out. Until you've been the organiser, no one understands that you're pretty much taking on a second job as an Events Producer, Personal Assistant and a Brand Ambassador all rolled into one.

The game-changer, the worst one's of them all. After going around in circles for the past 72 hours of where to meet, how to get somewhere, what to wear etc etc. There's always one that comes up with a new plan two hours before kick off. The strategy has been put in place, let's leave as is shall we?!

The pointless conversation starter - the person that comes in with an opening line of 'the weather's a bit weird today' to which everyone either ignores or you get eight replies saying 'yeah it is'.

The lurker. This was me towards the 'end' of my time on the groups. I wasn't imputing and I wasn't really taking anything from it. The person that's still in the group but just watches from the sidelines. I'm not sure whether it puts you in a position of power or you end up feeling miserable.

The peacemaker, there's always one person who waits and watches while everything explodes, similar to the lurker. But then comes in like a coy cat trying to get the scales balanced again.

And then last but not least, you have the pointless chat. The chat that is actually meant to be for a conversation for two people, yet you're all watching from the sidelines. Like Andy Murray and Rafael Nedal in a match on what to wear. Which nice top to be paired with which colour pair of skinny jeans.

And don't get me started if you step away from your phone for an hour or two, to then come back to 100+ notifications on someone's cat.

Then it's not used for 10 days and the whole thing starts again. NO THANK YOU. I'm Romeo done.

Red flags that it's time to channel your inner JoJo and Get Out Right Now:

• You're miserable when in the group
• You check it too often
• You've muted the group already
• You feel like an outsider (this was a massive one for me)
• The chat doesn't fulfil you in any way - whether that's similar values, the context of the chat and so on
• The other people in the group are talking about an event that you're not going to
• You're treated differently to the others

Sophie x